Learning to Lament

Facts:

• More than 60% of sexual assaults (rapes) go unreported. (690 out of 1,000)
• Of all reported rapes, somewhere between 2% and 10% are later shown to be false reports. 
• Taking the highest percentage, that means 270 out of 310 reports of sexual assault are true allegations. 
• Of those 270 rapists accused, only 6 will go to prison. (Thats’ 98% of guilty rapists who walk; only 7 more will be convicted)
• Those who did not report the rape to police cited a number of reasons for not reporting. (fear, no one will believe me, retaliation, shame, protection of the perpetrator or family, etc.). (More Statistics and Sources Here)

I don’t know if Brett Kavanaugh or Christine Ford are telling the truth. I wasn’t there, nor do I know them. There are plenty of my friends here in Facebookland who are lined up to defend them both. For many, it’s about politics; others couldn’t care less about elephants and donkeys or who sits on the highest court. But the way we’ve treated each other, the way we’ve spoken to and about each other, the disregard we’ve had for victims of abuse whose lives have been destroyed, the flippant attitude we’ve had toward those who’ve had their reputations shattered by false accusation…none of these attitudes and actions look much like Jesus. 

Truth is, I am seeing more and more discussions  that cause us to forget who we are, discussions that cause us to put politics above people. The way we act as Christians often suggests we are more interested, involved and invested in the kingdoms of this world than in the everlasting kingdom. 

Let’s just take this present issue. Not a single one of us knows what happened or didn’t. We do not have personal relationships with either of the people involved. All we know about it, we are either getting from our favorite news outlet (FYI: I quit watching them all years ago) or - even worse - from social media. With little or no real facts, we make up our minds about events, issues, and people. That would be bad enough by itself. But somehow we have developed a mindset that everyone in the world ought to agree with me about everything; if they don’t, they’re stupid. Or ignorant. Or ultra-liberal. Or hyper-conservative. Or unChristian. Or religious nutjobs. Or…well, you get the idea. 

When did we decide that was acceptable human behavior? It shouldn’t just be Jesus followers who are bothered by these personal attacks; all adults should find it distasteful. Oops. See what I did there? I decided for you what you should think about something.  It looks clear from my perspective. But I have to remember, you don’t see the world through the same lens as I do. Further, maybe we need to be reminded that there are times that my mouth just needs to stay shut (or my keyboard needs to fall silent).

Times like the present might be better handled with prayer, with restraint, without judgment, and with faith in a God who is sovereign. Relationships might be better preserved with compassion rather than vitriol. My Christian witness might be more effective if I work to love my neighbor - and even my enemy - as myself. Seems that’s what Jesus thought, anyway. I don’t think he meant for our light to be a burning laser, or for our salt to be rubbed into open wounds. 

Let’s return to where we started. I still don’t know what happened between Mrs. Ford and Mr. Kavanaugh. Likely, none of us will ever know exactly. We will decide - or have already decided - who we believe, and that will inform how we move forward. It is sad, though, what has been revealed about our attitudes toward those who come forward as victims of sexual abuse. I know…we live in a day and age where people will lie about abuse as a part of some political hatchet job. I know…people will lie about abuse as a result of anger, or to get revenge. There are people who will deal with the terrible fallout of falsely accusing someone because money is involved. 

But here’s the thing: unless it involves me or I was there, I really don’t know who is telling the truth. Research (some of which is attached to this article) suggests it is quite rare for people to falsely allege sexual abuse. So, most often, I choose to believe the accuser. Not always, but most often. I feel a deep sympathy for those who have been violated and victimized in this way. I weep at their confessions. 

Unfortunately, there are those who would politicize and weaponize the #MeToo campaign for their own personal agendas. So we become jaded. We make statements about what we would have done in their situations, how we would have reported immediately, how we would have…except we don’t have a clue what we would have done. It wasn’t us. But we give the general impression that we don’t believe people who come forward as victims. Why would we then expect people to come forward, to tell their stories, to share what surely is the most painful, devastating thing that has ever happened to them? If they already know that we - and that our collective society - tends to dismiss victims as liars, it’s surprising that anyone ever tells. 

We sometimes are dismissive because there is a lack of evidence to convict someone. But, often, there is no evidence. Perhaps the assault happened in a private place. Perhaps the perpetrator did not achieve their desired result. Maybe they threatened to kill the victim if police were notified; by the time the victim found the courage to come forward any physical evidence was gone. So maybe all there is to present as evidence is the word of the accuser, with the word of the accused also being heard. See why that’s hard? Maybe if we did a better job of standing with victims, of believing them when they come forward, more might have the courage to do so sooner. And maybe we have some work to do on figuring out how to protect those few innocent people who are accused. I sure don’t know all the answers. 

What’s more, most of what I have said here has been written with adults in mind; we haven’t even talked about the awful specter of sexual abuse of children. There can’t be much that offends a holy God more than this. Perhaps you feel as inadequate as I do to know what to do or how to handle this terrible sin. 

I am reminded of the frequent voice of lament in the Psalms. More often than not, laments - personal and national - do not offer resolution in themselves. They are not Psalms of happy endings. Rather, they sometimes give language to the desperation of the people because of the devastation of sin. They lay bare what the problems are, and they call upon God to do what needs doing. They often include language of repentance. Maybe lament is where we begin to move forward with all this. Maybe we collectively - and OUT LOUD - cry out to God, confessing and professing the state of things regarding sexual sin in our culture. Maybe we lament the brokenness of our justice system that lets so many abusers and rapists walk free. Maybe we offer ourselves in repentance of our silence, repentance of our unwillingness to believe the voices of victims, repentance of our willingness to crucify or vilify someone without knowing the truth, repentance of getting too caught up in politics to grieve the pain of people, repentance of not loving our neighbor as ourselves. Maybe we ask God to help us learn to listen with our hearts, to see as he sees. Maybe we confess that we don’t know what to do, or how to help. Maybe we ask God to break our hearts for this deep brokenness, and ask him to make us instruments of his healing. Maybe we ask God to help us be vigilant protectors of those who are weak, or defenseless, or scared. Maybe our lament includes a cry for the peace of God to wash over the hearts of those who relive their abuse. Yes, we need to lament.