I have spent many years living in a glass house. I am no stranger to the never-ending rock-throwing that goes with it. Most of those bounce off and are barely noticed. Some make a lot of noise, but no damage to the glass. Then comes a rock that finds a weak spot. Doesn’t even have to be a big rock, maybe more like a little piece of gravel. But it finds that weak spot, and comes right on inside the house with you. The presence of that rock creates all kinds of emotions: sadness, anger, grief, fury, pain.

Sometimes, you can see on closer inspection that there is no new hole in the glass. Sometimes those rocks get in the house because I have thrown my own stones from the inside. I have reduced the protective value of my own house by the damage I have done. Myself.

I am pretty tough; no, not in the “come at me bro” kind of way. But I have grown some thick skin through the years and have learned to deflect a lot of criticism (and slander, and gossip) that comes directly at me. But it is different when that is directed at my wife or my children. In this case, someone decided to say some harsh things about my son. Lashing out via social media was not the best way to respond. In fact, I didn’t really need to respond at all.

I know my son inside and out. I know how he thinks, and how he acts. I know what he’s like when with his friends, and I know what he’s like deep inside his heart. Unfortunately, the person who decided to run him down has no idea who my son really is. Perhaps they heard stories. Goodness knows our community loves those. Maybe those stories were based in my son’s bad behavior or poor choices. Like most kids caught in trying to grow up and figure out life, he doesn’t always do what I want him to. So it is with my daughter. And pretty much every son and daughter I know. The struggles aren’t always the same. Some struggles, some decisions have consequences that are far more serious. But they all struggle to find their way. Some wander far from home, and come back in later years. Some run away and never return. Some don’t live through their growing-up phase. But some – often the ones we judge harshly – learn from their mistakes and become moms and dads who raise great kids…who make the same mistakes their parents did. I digress.

I realize, just maybe, that the person who “warned” others about my son believed they were being helpful. I have been guilty of throwing those “if it was my kid…” rocks. It’s easy to do that, and to convince yourself that it’s justified. Even though it’s not. You think you are doing other parents a favor, or that you are somehow protecting a kid. But you do that at the expense of the kid you are running down. Which kid are you concerned for? Does that concern not extend to my son if you think he’s caught up in sin? You see, that person who was bashing my son has never once been to me to talk about those rumors. Not a text message, not a phone call, and certainly not a face-to-face with me or Dana. And that’s why it shouldn’t have happened the way it did. They decided to tell other people, to do damage to my son’s reputation. I don’t take that lightly. Your kids’ reputation is something most parents worry over.

But I responded by throwing more passive-aggressive rocks. Not my finest moment.

I basically called into question someone’s faith because of one thing they did that offended me. My language suggested they were pretending to be a Christian because I knew of one bad thing they did. It just happened that the one bad thing involved my flesh and blood, so it was amplified in my heart and mind. But if I don’t want someone to judge my character by any one thing (or even two or three things), I can’t judge someone else that harshly. It just won’t work to judge myself by my intentions but judge others by their actions. Should somebody be bad-mouthing my son, or anybody’s son? Nope. That’s easy. But should I use my voice to tear someone (even if they are *anonymous) down? Should I write posts suggesting that they aren’t even really following Jesus? No, and no. In doing that I become the very thing for which I am judging someone else.

It is true that Jesus said I should judge righteous judgment. He told me that I could see what kind of metaphoric tree someone is by looking at the fruit they bear. But he also said that I’ll be judged by whatever standard of judgment I impose on others. And he said I needed to work on getting the planks out of my own eye before I try to remove splinters from somebody else. Sometimes, I realize just how much work I have to do, and how great is my need for grace. May that realization of that need help me give a little grace to others…even if they have a handful of rocks.