My son, Samuel, had a loose tooth. It wasn't his first, though I don't remember how many teeth he has lost in eight years of living. But here's the thing: Samuel has never really pulled a tooth. He is one of those kids who will leave that tooth in his mouth until it falls out on its own.
That may not sound like a problem, yet it creates a problem. You see, teeth that are almost out have very sharp edges. They hurt when they poke around on the surrounding gums, thus eating or drinking can become quite a painful experience.
Case in point, our family went out to eat Sunday at Olive Garden (courtesy of some sweet ladies from WP). Sam's tooth was hanging by a thread, but he would not pull it out. Consequence? He did not get to eat. What was frustrating about this was that Dana and I both offered to pull the tooth, and did our best to convince Sam that there would be little or no pain involved. He believed otherwise. So while we enjoyed our endless stream of soup, salad and breadsticks, he sat mopingly (is that even a word?) with a cooling bowl of Zuppa Toscana in front of him. No amount of encouragement or threatening could get that tooth out. He knew that he couldn't eat. He knew that it was hurting. Yet, he insisted on keeping his mouth closed and preserving the position of that lateral incisor.
I will admit to being more than a little frustrated with Sam. Granted, we were using a gift card to pay for dinner, but we paid for him to eat. Because of his refusal to pull the tooth, we just threw that money away. But more than that, it was frustrating to see him hurting himself when there was a simple solution to the problem. He didn't have to hurt, and he knew it, but just wouldn't do what was necessary to stop the pain. I think it was frustrating, too, because it wasn't his first tooth to lose. He has been through this EXACT scenario several times already. He KNOWS it hurts more to leave the tooth in place than to get it out.
Then my frustration turned to embarrassed humility.
It dawned on me that God must get just as frustrated with me when I stubbornly refuse to let him remove things from my life that are hurting me. You could take your pick of damaging habits, attitudes or actions and I have probably struggled with them. All of them are things that God could deal with, things that his power could defeat. But I decide that going through that personal detox will be more painful than the torment caused by my sin, so I hang on to it just a little bit longer. Only with my sin, it is much more dangerous than causing me to miss one of my favorite meals. Unlike a loose tooth, the problem areas in my life will not just fall out on their own. The will linger forever unless they are intentionally removed. Further, they carry a much higher price tag...they are fatal (Romans 6.23). And I KNOW that, yet I let those things hang around, hurting me (and those around me). I think, over time, I get calloused enough that I don't really feel the pain any more. Pretty frightening, huh?
That's what I think David experienced in the Bathsheba incident. No doubt, he knew that sleeping with the wife of one of his soldiers was not good. I am certain that he knew that covering their affair with murder was wrong. In fact, he would go on to write in Psalm 51 that it was eating away at him, destroying him. Only after Nathan's confrontation did David turn in repentance, essentially pulling the loose tooth. His prayer was for God to tear out his old heart and give him a new one. I think he knew that the spiritual procedure of such an operation would be just as drastic, as life-altering as if it were a physical surgery. And he can do the same for you.
Interestingly enough, Samuel announced from the backseat of the car driving home from Olive Garden that the tooth was out. And as soon as we got home, he fixed himself something to eat. Funny how that relief works. The pain is gone, and joy (that's what I saw in his eyes over that bologna sandwich) takes its place.
Father, thank you for dealing with my sin, for removing things from my life that need to go. Please forgive me for my stubborn refusal to let go of sin. Soften my heart so that it feels the pain again. If necessary, just tear out my old heart and create a new one in me. Help me let go of myself while holding on to you. In Jesus' name, Amen
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